i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
