I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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