and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
