I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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