everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
