There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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