I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
