Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
