the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
