I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
