Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
