K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
