PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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