you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my liver is dry heaving
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
