He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
