i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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