there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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