She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
