does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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