Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
