We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
