i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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