she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
