OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
