she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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