I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
