hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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