every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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