My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
