his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
