Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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