omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What a dumb baby whore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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