no, he came in my armpit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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