I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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