Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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