ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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