If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
