Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
