this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
