I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
