I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
