just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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