People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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