I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
