This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
