it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
