so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
