Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
