I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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