you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
