Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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