you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
