chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
