Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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