Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
