Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
