I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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