Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
