He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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