nut hugger
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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