The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
