Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
