come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
