I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
