He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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