woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
