just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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