so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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