a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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