You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
