Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
