my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
