So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
