dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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