y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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