My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
